~ Therapy can help you lead a more fulfilling life ~

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Are you:

  • Feeling sad, anxious or irritated more often than you'd like?
  • Exhausted from making the same, unproductive choices when, deep down, you know you'd feel better if you chose differently?
  • Struggling with toxic relationships (family, romantic partner, friends, co-workers, etc.)?
  • Having trouble adjusting to painful life events  (e.g., abuse, death, divorce, breakup, etc.)?
  • Wishing you had more tools to deal with difficult relationships or circumstances?
  • Worried that, if things continue as they are, you'll regret not having done more to improve or change your life?
If you're nodding your head right now you've definitely come to the right place!

Why is this happening?
Just as physical pain lets us know when we are injured, emotional pain alerts us to the psychological wounds that prevent us from living our best lives.

Symptoms or destructive patterns are usually misguided attempts at resolving these wounds.

The toxic job you can't seem to quit? The upsetting thoughts you can't push out of your head? The breakup you haven't gotten over? Believe it or not,  circumstances like these actually hold the key to a richer, more satisfying life.  Working with a counselor or therapist can help you access that life.

Can I fix this myself?

By the time earnest, hard-working people (aka YOU) search for pages like this, it is because everything they've tried (e.g., self-help books, distraction, talking to friends, etc.) hasn't worked. This is not a sign of brokenness.  In fact, the opposite is true.

If your car stopped working, you wouldn't judge yourself for not knowing how to fix it.  What's more, you wouldn't hesitate to enlist a qualified mechanic who can help you get it running again.  Your mental health is no different.

The wisest part of you knows it is time to take things to the next level.  
Schedule a free consultation now to find out how counseling can help you get there!
Online booking now available

Individual Therapy ~ Death ~ Divorce ~ Grief ~ Loss ~ Mid-life issues

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Phinney ~ Greenwood ~  North Seattle

Featured Article

"Obstacles And Why We Need Them"

People seek counseling or therapy to change what no longer works: careers, lifestyles, friendships, marriages. They’ve labored for months, years, sometimes even decades to make their jobs more appealing, their spouses more affectionate, their families more considerate. Exhausted from the fight, clients come to therapy hoping their therapist or counselor will join the effort. And we do. Just not always in ways our clients expect. 

What brings people in the door is frequently not what keeps them there. What is initially described as a problem is usually the beginning of a solution. 

Jason*, a twenty-three-year-old, second-year medical student, was referred for psychotherapy by a psychiatrist from whom he originally sought antidepressant medication. He didn’t exactly sit on my sofa. He slammed himself against the back cushion and slid, pancake-style, until he was practically laying down and sitting up at the same time. When asked what brought him to therapy, he could barely lift his head to answer. “Depression” was the most he could muster. I probed further.

From the time he was old enough to walk, talk, and cut his own steak, Jason was told he was destined to be a physician. For the entirety of his youth, his parents, both surgeons, conveyed to Jason that he had two post-college options: medical school or medical school. Jason was a gifted student to whom science and math came easily. So, after graduating from a prestigious college with a Bachelor’s degree in biology, Jason applied to medical school and was accepted. Off he went.

There was only one tiny problem with this plan: Jason hated medicine. A classically-trained pianist, his true love was music. He wanted to play professionally. Because Jason knew his parents would never approve of this choice, he buried his love of music and forged ahead with the mandate to become a doctor. 

Though Jason’s presenting concern was depression, with time, it became clear that depression was merely a topical symptom: the real issue was Jason’s relationship with approval. He needed approval so desperately he was willing to pay for it with his life--literally. As he whiled the hours becoming more of the person his parents wanted him to be, he was slowly becoming less and less himself. By the time I saw him, he was merely a shell, his own narrative virtually indistinguishable from that of his parents.

It was a long and difficult road but Jason eventually found his voice. As he did, the depression lifted. He mustered the courage to put his medical studies on hold and pursue music. His parents weren’t thrilled but, to his surprise, they hung in there. What’s more, Jason decided, on his own, that he would move in with roommates to lower his living expenses and support himself by teaching piano lessons. It wasn’t a king’s ransom but it was a living. At twenty-three, Jason was doing the unthinkable: he was becoming an adult. 

Jason clung to a medical career to protect both himself and his parents from the dilemma of having to choose their real-live son over their idealized version of him. The most difficult part of Jason’s journey was not abandoning a career he never wanted to begin with, but trusting that he was strong enough to withstand the discomfort of telling an authentic but unpopular truth. In so doing, he untethered himself from the core belief that his well being was contingent upon the approval of those he cared about. With the need for external validation no longer powering the engine, Jason was not only surviving; he was actually thriving! 

Jason’s story is not unique. For many of us, fear manifests as immutable obstacles we tell ourselves we cannot live with or without. We cannot leave the job that is giving us bleeding ulcers because we need the money. We cannot ask for what we want because our spouses will leave us. We couldn't possibly sell the house that is bankrupting us. Over and over, we plead with life to change in one breath while weaving stories that are designed to keep it the same in the other. 

It is not the obstacles themselves that keep us stuck, it is our relationship with the meaning we have imbued those obstacles with. 

Most obstacles serve a protective function. They shield us from our deepest fears and the dependencies that maintain them. They keep us at a healthy distance from what we are not yet ready to know or experience. 

We struggle to find a way out of suffering not because we don't have answers but because we haven't yet found the right questions. Had Jason and I focused solely on eradicating his depression, we would not have seen that the real issue was a dependency that was preventing him from knowing his own strength. We cannot succeed at removing the barriers to change unless we first understand and acknowledge their benevolent purpose.

If you're on the cusp of making an important change and something appears to be holding you back, remember that you have chosen this obstacle for a reason. Try not to blame yourself here--there is no sense in heaping suffering on top of pain. Reminding yourself that you are the architect of your obstacles can be a way of offering hope that, when you are ready, you will draw up a different blueprint!

*Names and identifying information have been altered to protect patient confidentiality.