Seattle Phinney Grief Counseling and Therapy Blog

On offering compassion when it is most needed.

1/27/2016

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,
you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.
You must wake up with sorrow.
You must speak to it till your voice
catches the thread of all sorrows
and you see the size of the cloth.
Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,
only kindness that ties your shoes
and sends you out into the day to mail letters and
purchase bread,
Only kindness that raises its head
from the crowd of the world to say
it is I you have been looking for,
and then goes with you everywhere
like a shadow or a friend.

-Naomi Shihab Nye

We all know that person. The one who breaks into sobs while shopping for cabbage at Safeway. The son holding a lump in his throat until it can no longer be suppressed--in row 17, seat C. The mother dabbing tears before they fall at her son's fifth grade graduation, hoping no one will notice. Maybe their sorrows ignited your own, so you pushed them away with judgment: "Some people really oughta learn how to keep it together."

We know that person because we are that person.

So many times, we shun grief or sorrow that could not wait for a convenient time to be felt. In these moments, it is as if life has stolen our undergarments and hung them in the public square to dry. We feel exposed, raw, ashamed--if only our feelings would show up right on time, in the privacy of our homes or the folds of our most trusted inner circles.

Feelings can be messy. There will be moments when the thread unspools faster than we can wind it. This is okay. In fact, it is when we are vulnerable that we are most deserving of compassion.

There are two kinds of people in the world: those who have been that person and those who will be. If you are that person, offer yourself a blessing of loving grace. If you are a witness to the unspooling, offer your fellow human the same blessing: I see you. I hear you. I love you.

Your thoughts?

Dr. Jill Gross is a licensed psychologist, therapist, and counselor. She offers grief therapy, divorce support, and other counseling services in the Phinney Greenwood area of Seattle, WA.

Feeling overwhelmed by your emotions? Schedule a free consultation to find out how therapy or counseling can help you feel better--faster!

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On offering compassion when it is most needed.

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