On Scarcity And Gratitude

"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." 
​-Epictetus

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Something strange is happening in Seattle. Mother nature appears to have gotten the memo, albeit a month later than the rest of the country, that Spring has arrived.

As I’m writing this, it’s a balmy 74 degrees outside, the gardens are in full bloom. Like earthworms after a good soaking, Seattleites are creeping out in droves from their bookstores and coffee shops to pay tribute to the one thing we all yearn for but cannot control: the sun.

Closet mainstays of Gortex and fleece have been temporarily exchanged for tank tops and shorts. The Greenlake lawn is smattered with blankets and picnic baskets. Translucent limbs gently tip toward the golden orb that forsakes them for two-thirds of the year. 

Fellow park goers pass one another with chins held a little higher, smiles a little wider, freely spouting weather-related pleasantries, exchanging gleeful, knowing glances. It is as if everyone in the city is holding the same winning lottery ticket.

While out walking today, I started thinking about why Seattleites go nuts when the weather is nice. A story came to mind about a man who immigrated to the United States from a poor, rural part of India. Upon his first trip to an American grocery store, the man fell to his knees and wept. When his companion asked why the man was crying, he replied, “Such abundance! How is one to appreciate anything?” 

Indeed, the first sunny day in Seattle nicely exemplifies how scarcity can beget tremendous gratitude. The city's residents savor every moment of sunshine because we know it won’t be long before it disappears. We resent the rain, yet we also know it is the prerequisite for the flowers and fruit trees that dazzle us come springtime.

Life is the same way. When we are experiencing a long stretch of suffering or scarcity for which there is no scheduled ending, it is easy to get mired in dark emotions. Every human emotion comes with its own, unique script. Most commonly, when we are suffering, we feel hopeless which, for most of us, sounds like “I am trapped in a hole that is too steep to climb. I will be here forever.” These thoughts are pretty convincing. They seem real, but they are not true. Hopelessness is just like any other emotion, free to come and go, once fully permitted to exist.

It is normal to resist suffering out of fear of being carried away by its undertow. In lieu of curious examination of our feelings, we often shame or judge ourselves for having them.

Allowing space for dark emotions is not synonymous with succumbing to them. The opposite is true. The more we resist what we are feeling, the more likely our feelings will manifest in ways that don’t serve us (e.g., explosive rage, drinking or drug use, shopping, gambling, etc). In other words, we are fated to act out our feelings until we are ready to learn from them.

Life is fraught with suffering. We cannot sidestep it altogether; we must go through it. Here are a few things to keep in mind as you inch your way forward: 

1. Recognition: No matter how difficult or painful, we must first turn toward the truth. We cannot work with what we do not first acknowledge. 
2. Purpose and Meaning: You would not be feeling this way unless something important was happening! It is likely this rough stretch is clearing space for something smoother. All suffering has both purpose and meaning. The depth of suffering is directly proportional the significance of what we are meant to learn from it.   
3. Gratitude: This one is a super important. No matter how dark the pit or how high its walls, gratitude is in there somewhere. Need ideas? When I am really stuck, I remember to feel grateful for opposable thumbs. Aren’t they magnificent? Thanks to my thumbs, I can grasp a warm, soothing cup of coffee, draw a bath, or bake something delicious to share with neighbors. Find at least one thing—every day—for which you are grateful. Write it down in a gratitude journal.
4. Generosity: Giving to others is the portal to deeper connection. Feel like you don't have much to offer? Try time. Time is our most valuable gift. And, bonus, it’s completely free! Perhaps there is a park nearby that needs a cleanup (another shoutout to opposable thumbs), a senior citizen who would welcome some company, a neighbor who would gladly accept a plate of delicious baked goods. If you have children, try giving some quality time to them. 
5. Belonging: Life is meant to be shared, especially when we are suffering. This is the BEST time to draw a circle around us that is wider than ourselves. Reach out to family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc.  As freakish or distant as we may feel when we are suffering, we are only alone as we choose to be.

Fortunately, we do not need a roadmap to find a way out of pain.  All that is needed is a willingness to consider that all darkness eventually yields to the light. 

Sometimes the lessons we are meant to learn from suffering require additional resources, such as a licensed psychologist, therapist, or counselor. If everything you’ve tried on your own doesn’t seem to be working for you, widen your circle to include a trusted professional. Your mental health is worth the investment!  

Have you found an effective way out of suffering? Tell us all about it in the comments section below!


Dr. Jill Gross is a licensed psychologist, therapist, and counselor. She offers grief therapy, divorce support, and other counseling services in the Phinney Greenwood area of Seattle, WA.  Scarcity got you down? Schedule a free consultation to find out how therapy or counseling can help you lead the life of abundance you deserve! 

Schedule Your Free Consultation Now

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