As a Seattle based dating coach and consultant, I am frequently approached by earnest, well-educated individuals looking for real love.
So many daters these days appear to be supplanting the substantive, slow-cooked intimacy narratives of yore with the relationship equivalent of fast food.
We prefer chemistry over connection. And it needs to be easy, hot, and now.
This can be a real drag for those of us looking to move past a first hookup and on to the complicated process of getting to know the person sitting across from us.
The ability to feel and express emotions is unique to human beings. It is what distinguishes us from lizards. The mutual exchange of feelings is also one of the core components of real intimacy.
So what do we do once we've surpassed the scripted “getting to know you” conversations associated with a first date?
Here are seven questions that will help you coax your second date conversation toward the deep end of the pool:
There is a time and place for lighthearted, superficial banter. It’s a necessary part of getting to know someone. But, once the small talk has been folded and packed away, these questions will help you take your second (or third or fourth) date to the next level.
And remember: the cornerstone of intimacy is the reciprocal exchange of sentiments. Ask only the questions you’re willing to answer yourself.
What about you? What are some of the best out-of-the ordinary questions you’ve said or encountered on a date date? Leave a comment and let us know!
Dr. Jill Gross is a licensed psychologist, counselor and dating coach in Seattle, Washington. Find out more about how hiring a dating coach can help you have a richer, more satisfying relationship experience. Schedule a free dating consultation today!
3/11/2020 01:59:27 am
3/11/2020 06:06:40 am
You're welcome, Gopi. Glad you found the article useful. Happy dating!
5/20/2020 07:32:00 am
Way to keep 'em guessing Toby!
3/1/2021 06:32:33 pm
Great insight for why these questions need to be asked! I especially like how they can reveal what a person values and how someone has processed past life events.
4/29/2021 09:30:48 am
Yes, Andrew! So much to learn when we listen and ask the right questions.
11/30/2021 02:24:27 am
Very Good, Perfect View.
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Dr. Jill Gross is a licensed psychologist, grief counselor, and dating coach. Her coaching and therapy practice is located in the Phinney - Greenwood area of North Seattle in Washington.